Until It's Gone
by Dapper Dumpling
Summary: Germany finally decides to go on a date with Italy. But after careful consideration he chooses to remain friends. But what happens when Italy decides to date other people? One shot.


**(An):**

 **Goodness this is old. Really just something I wrote up one day and thought 'meh, it's alright'. I don't feel up to fixing this mess, it's not really worth it but, well, here you go! Hope you enjoy it anyway! I promise I'll have better content soon.**

Until It's Gone.

Germany sighed as he stared down his best friend in the whole world; they were standing just outside of Italy's house having just gotten back from an experimental date. His brother had more or less forced him into going after Italy suggested it. He couldn't have said no to the Italian's huge eyes and sweet smile anyway. Hope was shining in those eyes as they stood there. Guilt curled around his heart like a snake and seemed to choke him making it difficult to breathe.

He had to end it here. He couldn't date his best friend. It didn't feel right and he couldn't risk losing Italy because of something so trivial as dating. Germany wasn't a romantic and he didn't know the first thing about dating. He had to tell him knowing it would break the brunette's fragile heart. It hurt, but not doing so would just hurt both of them in the long run.

So he sucked it up, and said quietly. "Listen Italy," Germany began, in a rather seldom deadpan. Italy withered, his eyes widening suddenly. It seemed he could already see where this was going. "I had a lot of fun tonight, and I think you're a rather charming and lovely person," The older nation looked down, a dismal resolution seemed to harden in his face, but Germany forced himself to plow on despite his own growing forbidding. "I just don't think that you and I dating is a good idea. I don't want to lose you as a friend and I'm not really ready for a serious relationship right now."

Germany closed his eyes, waiting with bated breath for whatever came next. He hoped desperately that Italy wouldn't beg, it was already so hard for him to say no to Italy to begin with. But if the brunette was upset it would be even more difficult. "Ve, I completely understand." His head shot up, his eyes shooting open in bewilderment.

"What-? Really?" He stammered, gawking down at the still wilted brunette, who just nodded and offered a very sad smile.

"Ve, if you're uncomfortable, then it isn't really worth it. I'm sad, but I won't be losing you, and that's all I care about." Germany softened, looking down at his despondent friend.

"I-I'm so sorry." He sighed, but Feliciano just waved away his apology. It made Ludwig feel even worse, the brunette looked like he was fighting tears.

"Don't worry. It's not something that's your fault." Italy took a few steps back and held out his hand. "No hard feelings?"

It felt almost wrong shaking Italy's hand. He was so used to a hug, or kisses on either cheek that anything less seemed hollow and a little unfulfilling. But he took the Italian's petite hand in his rather large one and shook it, trying hard not to look directly at him. "No hard feelings." He repeated, nodding at Italy who offered him another rather downcast smile before turning towards his door, waving slowly.

"Good night Germany."

"Good night Italy."

...

Germany sat, tapping his foot worriedly in his car as he sat there, pondering what he should do. It had been a good month and a half since he had rejected Italy and Germany found that the Italian was tending to avoid him and leave his calls unreturned. He had come because he wanted to apologize again and try to fix things between them. He just wanted things to go back to the way they were.

Finally the German nation got up the nerve to get out and just talk to him. They were best friends after all this shouldn't be this awkward. So Germany unbuckled, opened his door and slowly strode up to the Italian's familiar door. He took a deep breath and knocked, trying to look confident.

He frowned as he heard Italy's familiar tinkling giggling and- Ludwig took a step back. There was someone else in there with him, someone he didn't recognize immediately. He felt an uncomfortable twinge in the pit of his stomach and took a step back, indignation clear on his pale face. What was going on here?

He heard the Italian nation's familiar light footsteps as his voice got closer and closer. Finally Italy opened the door, a jovial smile on his sweet face. He straightened as the Italian nation's face fell. The brunette coughed and gave Ludwig a careful smile. "Eh, Germany? What are you doing here?" He asked shakily.

Germany shook his head only just then realizing he was staring. "I just wanted to apologize again for the other month. I feel like we've been drifting apart lately and I was just wondering if you would like to go out for coffee." Germany frowned, hearing footsteps coming from just behind Italy.

Maybe Romano was here? But that voice he heard earlier was too deep to be the Italian nation. What was going on? Ludwig tried to look past Italy, but the auburn-haired nation had the door mostly closed. He sighed as the footsteps approached. Italy shifted uncomfortably on the spot, looking sadly up at Germany. "Ve, I wish you had called…"

Germany's eyes widened with horror as another familiar blond-haired, blue-eyed, nation pulled open the door with a curious gaze in his cerulean eyes. "Hey," America said slowly, wrapping an arm around Italy's slim waist, pulling the little Italian flush against his side. "What's going on Feli?"

Germany took a step back, he felt like someone had just slapped him in the face. "Italy?" He stammered, his icy blue eyes boring into America's, and unfamiliar, uncomfortable crushing sensation settling in his stomach. What was Italy doing with _America?_

Italy just turned towards America and smiled adoringly up at him. Ludwig reeled back, horror and anger pulsing through his chest. "Well, we're kind of on a date right now." He answered, reaching up and giving the American a small peck on the cheek. "Um, we should probably go. I-I'll call you?" It was more of a question, so Germany nodded, unable to form speech.

America looked between Italy and Germany and finally his gaze settled on Germany. he looked up at Germany through his glasses, it looked almost as if he was studying him. "Hey hold on a sec." America interrupted, pointing a finger at the German nation. "Germany, what are you doing here?"

"U-Uh I'm- Um…" He stuttered, looking down at the younger nation's accusing stare. Wait, accusing? What the hell?! Why was he looking at him like that? There was no reason for that look! So, he pushed back his shoulders and gave the American a blazing glare. "I am coming to say hello to my friend." He took a step closer. "Is there a problem with that?"

America offered Germany one of the fakest smiles he had ever seen. "Of course not bro! I'll leave you guys to it." He pulled Italy into a quick, but passionate kiss. Italy squeaked, surprised, but America offered no explanation as he separated quickly from the older nation and walked back inside, flashing Germany a smug smile before disappearing back into Italy's house.

Germany crossed his arms and said quietly. "What are you doing? Dating America? Are you kidding?"

Italy blinked innocently up at Germany. "Ve, I told you already. I'm ready for a serious relationship right now." His head drooped a little. "It made me very sad that you didn't, but it doesn't change anything. America is ready for something serious and so am I. So I'm giving him a chance." The older brunette cocked his head to the side, giving Germany his 'cute but confused' look. "Why does it bother you?"

"Be-because it's America!" He yelled louder than intended causing Feliciano to flinch. "He's dishonest and violent! Why would you want to date someone like him anyway?"

Italy took a step back, hurt swimming in his illustrious eyes. "He's not dishonest! He's sweet and considerate!" Italy inhaled shakily. "And frankly, my dating life is none of your business."

"None of my-? I'm your best friend!" He yelled, anger rushing to his side immediately.

"Then why can't you just be happy for me?" Italy retorted, uncharacteristically defensive. "Look, I'm sorry I've been dodging your calls lately. I guess I just took your rejection too personally." The Italian nation took a hesitant step forward and slowly placed a small hand delicately on Germany's chest, right over his heart. "I'm sorry ve, I'll be a better best friend from now on, ok?" He ended on a high, cheerful tone.

Ludwig had to resist the urge to place his hand over Feliciano's. He blanched when the older nation retracted his hand, still smiling jovially up at him. "So, I'll talk to you later then?" He asked hopefully.

Germany swallowed hard, his palms sweating and his face heating up as he looked down on Italy's sincerely happy expression. "Yes, of course." He let out a small sigh of relief when Italy's smile widened considerably. His heart was pounding at an alarming rate, what was wrong with him?

He gasped softly as Italy launched forward and enveloped him in a tight hug. "Ve, I missed you." The auburn-haired nation sighed. Germany wrapped his arms around Italy's petite frame, resting his head on his shoulder. Germany opened his eyes to reveal America had returned and was standing not far from the door, staring at him with searing cerulean eyes. He couldn't help it, he smirked back at the blond pulling Italy closer to him.

But just as he did so, the brunette released him. Italy turned another adoring gaze on America, who walked over from what seemed like nowhere and pulled Italy into another deep kiss. The brunette's eyes widened once again at the American nation's audacity. Germany averted his gaze before the Italian could kiss back, his face burning with rage.

What was this blazing feeling in his chest? It had to be overprotectiveness for Italy. He was his best friend and first ally after all; it was just natural for him to hate anyone who was pretentious enough to do something so bold (right in front of _him_ no less!). He had already decided he didn't feel anything for Italy.

Right?

Finally America pulled back, giving Italy one last peck on the lips before smugly sneering. "Well, we're pretty busy right now. Thanks for stopping by Germany, it was nice of you to drop in." Germany narrowed his eyes at the blatant lie, but Italy didn't seem to notice anything was wrong as he just waved excitedly at Germany allowing America to nuzzle his head into his neck and wrap both arms around him.

"Bye Germany! Talk soon!" Feli exclaimed. Germany nodded politely in Italy's direction, trying his hardest to ignore the American nation's obvious attempts at vexing him. He didn't make eye contact with the blond as Italy reached forward and closed the door just as America began connecting his lips with the tan skin at Italy's neck.

Germany felt his fingers curl into fists as Italy's sweet giggle wafted into the air entangling itself with America's deep chuckle. He felt himself blinded by an unexplained rage. How _dare_ America touch innocent little Italy like that? He needed help. Germany got into his car jamming his key into the ignition, destination in mind. He knew whom he had to talk to.

...

"Thank you so much for having me over so last minute Japan." Germany sighed, hoping to stifle the awkward tension in the room. "I really appreciate it."

"It is no trouble Mr. Germany." Japan assured, putting down a cup of tea in front of each of them. "Now, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

Germany accepted the cup silently looking down into the murky liquid solemnly.  
He didn't exactly know how to explain his feelings. "Did you know Italy and America were," He hesitated staring up at Japan, desperate for direction. "Dating?"

Japan nodded silently, a small smile stretching across his face. "America has been after Italy for over a year now. I'm happy he finally achieved his goal."

Germany's eye twitched. "What? Am I the only one who thinks this is a bad idea?! America isn't right for Italy!" He yelled, causing Japan to flinch violently.

"Actually, I set them up." Japan said softly, looking away from Germany's enraged and horrified expression. "I-I do not understand Mr. Germany. Why does this upset you so much? Italy likes Mr. America and I believe them happy."

Germany opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Why _did_ he care so much? He had rejected Italy already and he didn't have any real reason to hate America (other than maybe the fact he was on the allies side during World War II but he tried not to hold that against anyone anymore, it was years ago). So instead he looked helplessly down at his teacup. "I don't know." He admitted dismally.

Japan's confused gaze melted into a sympathetic one. "Germany," He began expectantly, slowly leaning towards the German nation. "Why is it you feel as though Mr. America is not right for Italy?"

Germany gripped his blond hair stressfully his gaze returning to Japan's coffee eyes. "I-I-"

"Mr. Germany!" Japan gasped, his hand flying to his mouth in horror. "You don't have-" He took a deep breath, catching himself before he lost control. "You don't have romantic feelings for Italy, do you?"

Germany blushed, he felt his pulse quicken and his palms grow sweaty. "I-I don't know!" He sighed, thoroughly frustrated. "Earlier today, I was so sure I had no feelings for Italy that were anything but platonic. But I came by to apologize again for rejecting him." Japan nodded, leaning forward with wide, interested eyes. It made Germany a little uncomfortable how interested Japan was in his love life, but he let it be. "And I saw him with America and I just… lost it." He sighed.

Japan pulled back and poured himself some more tea, though he looked distracted. Germany knew from experience that the Japanese nation was thinking this over, and decided to just wait for his advice. Finally the older nation sat up and said quietly. "I am so sorry to be the one to break this to you Mr. Germany, but I think you've lost any chance you might have had. I am truly sorry."

Germany felt his heart squeeze painfully in his chest for about a second before rage filled his body like water. "America." He snarled. "This is all that stupid American's fault!"

But Japan just shook his head sadly and took a small sip of his tea. "No, I do not believe that it's Mr. America Mr. Germany."

Germany blinked slowly, his hands curling into fists. "But that blond bimbo-!"

"Mr. America is _not_ a bimbo." Japan snapped. "He is my friend."

Germany begrudgingly nodded, feeling a twinge of guilt seep through his anger. Japan rarely lost his patients, especially for no good reason. "Right, sorry." He grunted, but continued unabashed. "But _America_ is the reason Italy is no longer single."

Japan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I am sorry Mr. Germany but I don't think that's right. Think about it for a moment if you will. You never would have even considered any of this if Mr. America and Italy had never gotten together. You simply have to understand that Italy's a romantic country. It's in his blood to want to be in a relationship. Why do you think he flirts so often? He likes you, believe me he likes you a lot." Japan assured, his eyes filling with sympathy. "But he needs a significant other in his life, that's why he's so affectionate."

Germany frowned, and looked sadly down at his cup again. "You're right. What have I done?" He despaired, hiding his face in his hands.

Japan sat back and let his friend mourn for a few moments before saying quietly. "I'm so sorry Mr. Germany, but at least you now know how you feel. It's good to be honest with yourself."

Germany sighed and took a sip of his tea. "Perhaps, I could try after they break up?" He looked up at Japan, hoping for confirmation. "Japan?"

The Japanese nation was looking commiseratively up at the younger nation. "I don't know Mr. Germany. You've already told him you don't feel the same about him as he did you," Germany flinched at the word 'did'. "That kind of rejection is hurtful and would negatively affect the rest of your relationship. I'm so sorry."

Germany gripped his hair stressfully and sighed despairingly. "So I'm just, doomed?"

Japan bobbed his head back and forth, considering. "I don't believe that's the right word to use. You haven't lost Italy completely, but I'm afraid you've turned him off to the idea of dating you. Healthy relationships don't begin this way. It would be something that would encumber your relationship, I'm truly sorry."

Germany nodded. "No, you're right. I suppose I should be grateful that we're still friends then." He choked, flinching back as Japan patted his shoulder awkwardly.

"What are you-?"

"There's no need to cry Mr. Germany, it'll be alright you'll see." Japan consoled, and it was then the Germanic nation realized tears were falling from his icy blue eyes. He wiped them furiously from his face, scowling at his own weakness.

"I honestly don't know what has come over me. I thought I was so sure of my feelings and then the moment I saw America wrap his arms around him I couldn't stand it another second." He sobbed, pressing the palm of his hand to his cheek. "And now there is no going back. I shouldn't have said no."

There was a moment of painful silence before Japan whispered. "Well, why did you?"

Germany looked up. "Huh?"

"You clearly care a lot about Italy, and yet you turned him down. I don't understand why. You just seem very attached." Japan put up his hands immediately. "I-I don't mean to pry, or offend! I am just curious…"

Germany nodded. "It's alright, I am still confused myself." Germany took a deep breath and thought back to that moment on Italy's threshold when he told the brunette there was no romantic future for the two of them. "I guess I was afraid. I didn't want things to change between Italy and I. He is so special to me, and I thought the way I felt towards him was how one was suppose to feel about a best friend. It was special, but he was my first and best friend as well as my first ally. I'm not the best at feelings, I thought dating him would change the way things were.

"I was afraid I was going to mess things up and we would end up not being friends anymore. Italy's a romantic country; I on the other hand am not. I didn't think I was ready to date, and I still don't believe I am equipped to be a good partner, especially for someone like Italy. I suppose, I didn't think he would go out and look for other people to date. It kind of hurts that he can just turn around and find someone else like that. I didn't think anything would change.

"I thought Italy and I would just forget about that night and everything would go back to normal. But instead, he distanced himself from me and I found that I missed him and the way he used to be around me. Reflecting, I know our relationship was less than platonic from the very start. And then," Germany groaned. "I saw him with _America_ , and everything changed."

Once again, Japan frowned. "I do not understand what it is you don't like about America. He is a good man, his heart is in the right place at least. And I believe him and Italy get along rather well."

Germany just shrugged. "He… rubs me the wrong way, I suppose. He is loud, obnoxious, idiotic, selfish, violent and overall redundant. I cannot see why Italy would want to date a man like that."

Japan sighed. "America is not perfect Mr. Germany. However him and Italy have more in common than you realize."

Germany blinked, frowning. "They do not."

"Well, both of them are ridiculously enthusiastic about their food, one most in particular for both of them. They are both very energetic, they like people, they both talk endlessly and most importantly they are both willing to commit. Neither of them are perfect, but the reason I set them up is because I thought they made a good match."

Germany couldn't help but feel a little betrayed when Japan said that. But the Japanese nation must have read his mind, because a moment later he said. "If I had known you had felt this way, I would have intervened. But at the time I was just focusing on helping Italy find a partner. He was rather distraught when you rejected him, you know." He added, giving the blond a small smile.

Ludwig just looked sadly down at the older nation, hopelessness beginning to register in his mind. "I suppose you're right, as usual." He admitted running his fingers through his slick, blond locks. "It was when I saw them together, that I realized I was the only one I wanted Italy to hold, or kiss or sleep next too. I wanted to be the one who protected him, and held him, and got to say with complete confidence that he was mine." Germany buried his face into his hands again. "And now it's too late. He's never going to look at me like he looks at America." An entirely too cruel image of Italy looking adoringly up at a smirking America vividly entered Ludwig's mind. He shook his head and finished off his tea.

"I'm sorry to say that might be the case, Mr. Germany." Japan sighed, taking Germany's now empty cup from him with a faraway look in his eyes. He was thinking again. The Japanese nation collected the sugar, and other things commenting casually. "Would you like anything else Mr. Germany? Coffee? Something to eat?"

Germany shook his head numbly, his mind felt fuzzy and disorganized. He stared blankly off into space as his Japanese friend left the living room, dowsing Germany in a heavy silence. He let his gaze hit the floor, he felt so lost.

"Are you alright Mr. Germany?" Japan asked, settling back down across from the Germanic nation.

"I will be."

**Three years later**

Germany glanced idly out the window. Today had been a bad day. Not that he had been having very many 'good' days this week, but today had just been one thing after the other with Prussia and his boss... He needed to get his mind straight, do something other than work and yell at Gilbert for his stupidity.

A sudden thought struck him, it had been forever since a certain auburn haired nation had entered his thoughts and even longer since he'd talked to him. His heart ached when he thought about Italy, but it hurt even more to think it had been more than a month since he had seen the brunette in person. He felt so needy and pathetic, but he couldn't stop himself from picking up the phone and dialing Italy's number anyway.

Germany sighed as he waited for Italy to pick up, tapping his fingers impatiently against the wood of his desk. Finally, he heard someone fumble around with the receiver before Italy's voice called tiredly. "Hello?"

"Italy? It's Germany uh, we're you just sleeping?" He asked, rather shocked at the Italy's groggy tone. "It's 3:00 pm."

"Um… Oh yeah! America and I decided to have a little catnap! I get _really_ tired after we went swimming. Ve, anyway how's it hanging?"

Germany flinched while Italy just giggled. He hated it every time Italy used America's sloppy, stupid, slang; it felt wrong. But there wasn't a lot he could do about it other than ignore it. "Oh well, I'm alright. But we haven't seen each other lately, would you like to come over?"

There was a shuffling on Italy's end, a tired groan and suddenly America's voice called out from a distance. "Feli! Come back to bed!" He whined. Germany just rolled his eyes ruffled and irritated. Why did the American have to be so needy whenever he wanted to see Italy?

"Hold on Al, I'm talking to Germany!" The brunette whispered but America grumbled on.

"But I want cuddles!"

Italy yawned and Germany could pick up a low murmur in the background. "Is um, is this a bad time?"

"Oh no! America and I were just cuddling. You're fine!"

"I can call back-"

"No that's alright." Germany was happy when Italy addressed him and ignored his boyfriend's needy whines. "So, you wanted me to come over today?" He asked.

Germany nodded before he remembered Italy couldn't see him and said bashfully. "Well, if you're busy then we can do this another time. But I would like to have you over today, if that's alright."

Italy squeaked and Germany heard the phone dropped the floor. For a moment he panicked expecting Italy to be screaming, crying, surrendering and blubbering to someone and Germany was preparing to run to Italy's rescue when suddenly Italy's laughter rang out and he picked up the phone again. "I'm so sorry! America got over excited."

"What did he do?" He deadpanned, trying not to sound too spiteful towards the blond for his constant interruptions. This was nothing new, the American nation always seemed to be disrupting and distracting Italy whenever he was even in the same room as Germany. It never failed to vex Germany whenever it happened.

Germany could hear Italy shift before he replied. "He grabbed me!"

"What?"

"He grabbed me and threw me onto the bed!"

Germany blanched away from the phone. Italy couldn't have known how that sounded and Germany knew that. But even so less than innocent pictures were flashing before Germany's eyes, all of them making him blush an unholy shade of red. "O-oh." He replied, trying to stop the images before he had a problem. "Alright then, so does 6:00 work for you? We could have dinner if you want."

"Yeah! That sounds fun! I have to tell you something important anyway, so it's perfect!" The brunette exclaimed.

Germany frowned. "So tell me."

"No, no. This is face-to-face news. I'd rather not ask you over the phone."

Ask? What was it Italy was getting at? Ever since Italy had asked him on that date anytime the Italian had to talk to him alone, or needed to ask him something Germany's mind would always jump (foolishly) to the conclusion that Italy somehow knew of his secret (or not so secret) love for the brunette. It terrified him and left him anxious. "If you want something it might be better to tell me now if you're coming over in a few hours."

"Oh no, nothing like that. I think you'll appreciate it more if I ask in person." Italy sounded so serious Germany decided (for once) to blindly trust Feliciano and wait.

"Alright." He sighed. "I'll see you later tonight?"

"Sì. Bye, bye Germany!"

"Goodbye Italy."

...

Germany had a time trying to get Prussia out of the house for the evening. "I don't care, go drinking with Spain and France, or a date with Hungary or something, just please get out!"

"But West I want to see my cute little Italy, it's been so long!" Prussia wined, leaning up against his younger brother's shoulder. It made Ludwig's eye twitch.

"I don't care. I've hardly gotten to speak with him alone since he started dating America." He tried his best not to sound too bitter when he said that, but somehow the words dripped with venom. Not that Prussia really noticed, anyway.

"But I-"

"No Gilbert. Find something else to do tonight." Germany commanded, his tone indicating there would be no more discussion.

"If I didn't know any better, I would say you're hanging out with your boyfriend tonight broseph." The Prussian teased. Germany just rolled his eyes and fixed his older brother with a pointed glare. Said nation put his pale hands put, his red eyes filling with fear. "Alright, alright geez West I'll call up Hungary." Gilbert's smirk returned full force. He tapped Germany on the shoulder and was off to his room.

A few hours later there was an energetic knock on the door. Germany set down the book he had been reading and went to answer. He swung open the door, revealing a beaming Italian. "Germany!"

The Germanic nation prepared himself as Italy launched himself into Germany's arms and gave the younger nation a tight squeeze. Ludwig wrapped his arms around Feliciano's waist on instinct and held him steady. "I missed you!" The Italian nation cooed, pulling back from the blond with a huge smile.

Germany gave up a tiny smile of his own and asked softly. "Would you like to eat now? I made wurst and potatoes."

Italy giggled and nodded happily saying. "Sounds delicious Germany!"

Idly the two began to chat whilst eating dinner. Germany was a bundle of nerves, every time he hung out with Italy alone like this he always felt a tickling sort of joy in his stomach. It never ceased to irritate him how easily his control on his feelings could slip when around Italy. But at the same time he lived for that feeling. It seemed sick to be in love with someone who was already with someone… But he couldn't help himself.

Germany smiled very slightly as Italy talked excitedly on and on about something rather silly. He was just happy the Italian wasn't going on about America again. The German nation found himself become rather short in temper whenever the American was mentioned. Especially when he talked about their relationship, it always stung to hear about what he didn't have.

"Germany?" The blonde looked up to find Italy's concerned chocolate eyes. "Are you ok? You spaced out there for a moment."

The Germanic nation straightened and felt his face flush with shame. "I'm sorry Italy. What were you saying?"

He laughed. "Ve, I was just saying that You, Japan and I should all hang out and do something soon!" The brunette leaned forward with a huge smile on his face and sang cheerily. "Just like old times! I feel like we haven't all hung out in forever!"

Germany nodded in agreement. "That sounds great. Have you talked to Japan yet?"

Italy nodded, a huge smile still on his face. "I visited him earlier today! We had a lot of fun! I got to see his art and wear one of those pretty dresses. It was fantastic!"

Germany's mouth twitched involuntarily. "I'm glad you had fun."

"Ve~" Italy sighed, getting up and clearing off the table. "I'll help you clean up Germany!" He said happily.

"Danke." Germany replied, getting up to help with the dishes.

When everything was clean and put away, Italy looked up at his German friend and yelped. "All done!"

Germany sighed, he was so tired, but not from the day's events. He was so tired of pretending. He just wanted to sit down and tell Italy everything like he did with nearly everything else. His only confidant had been Japan, and call him childish but Japan told him nothing but the truth, him and Italy wouldn't ever get together. Italy used to hold him and try to make everything ok, he missed that.

"Would you like to see a movie?" The older nation held up a disk. "Alfred and I rented this the other day, it's really good."

"Sure, that sounds alright." He glanced at the clock. "How long is it?"

"Almost two hours I think." He commented. Germany glanced at the clock, it was only about seven o'clock but America got weird about having Italy home not much later than nine, but he supposed it would be alright.

"That sounds alright," Italy smiled happily and launched himself into the German nation's arms again.

"Yay!" He exclaimed happily. "I'll go make some popcorn!" He handed Ludwig the disk and bounded off into Germany's kitchen. The blond watched him go a small blush on his face. He shook his head at how comfortable the brunette was in his house; like he lived here.

Germany put the disk in his player, rolling his eyes at the ruckus the little nation was making. After a few moments he heard the first popping begin and a couple minutes later Feliciano reentered the room with a bowl of popcorn. He plopped down on the couch and patted the spot next to him. "C'mon sit Germany!"

The blond didn't hesitate to walk over and sit down next to Italy, trying not to blush as the Italian pressed against him, a content sigh emitting from his small body.

Germany tried his hardest not to lean into the Italian's touch as the movie went on. Italy kept moving closer, nuzzling into the blond's arm and resting his head against his shoulder. The younger nation blushed a deep crimson at Italy's touch. He felt a wave of affection for the brunette swell deep in his chest, it took all his self control not to kiss the Italian's tempting lips.

By the end of it Germany was blushing a deep maroon and had absorbed almost none of the movie they had been watching. He honestly couldn't even remember what it had been about.

"Ve, it's getting a little late." Italy yawned, and got up smiling at his blond friend. "I should go…"

"Of course." Germany coughed, his throat a little dry as he looked down at the Italian nation. Italy moved toward the door Germany not far behind. Feliciano turned towards Ludwig and stopped in front of the door, moonlight shimmering in his big brown eyes. Germany fought the urge to pepper his soft face with kisses.

"Goodnight." He murmured. Germany blushed as Italy leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth. His mind went into overdrive as the Italian pulled away, a big smile on his face. Germany felt his chest tighten painfully, his heart clenched and his eyes widened as he looked down at the older nation. He couldn't stifle the feeling anymore. He had to say something. "Oh wait! I almost forgot-"

"Italy." Feli squeaked as Germany grabbed one of his hands and pulled him close, his icy blue eyes full of unshed emotion. He couldn't hold back anymore. That kiss, it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Feliciano," He corrected, there was no turning back now. "I know that you're with someone, and I don't care if you hate me forever for saying this," He hoped beyond all else that wouldn't be the case. "But… I love you." He pressed Italy's small hand to his chest, his heart clenching painfully as he looked into those shocked chocolate eyes. "I love you so much it hurts. You're my first and best friend, you always have a smile for me. I love your art, your cooking, I love your smile." His grip on the brunette's hand tightened as Italy's face grew completely bewildered. "Even when you come screaming to me about a spider or something silly like that, or you make a huge mess in my kitchen, I love you." He blushed a bright red, forcing himself to hold his gaze on the Italian's gorgeous eyes.

But Italy was shaking slightly, his face reflecting sympathy and maybe a little pity. "Y-you… I love me?" He whispered, Germany couldn't tell if his voice was filled with shock or horror. "But, you can't love me… Y-you- I know you don't…" His eyes shone with tears.

Germany gave Italy a very sad, small smile. "I promise I'm not lying." He felt nervousness flutter in his stomach, but hope was beginning to bloom there as well. did Italy…?

"No," The brunette whispered, shaking his head in denial "No Germany, you're not suppose to I mean… I" Germany felt his blood run cold as Feliciano pulled his hand back and looked desperately into his icy blue eyes. "I should have told you this earlier…"

The German shifted nervously. The pitying look on the brunette's face had him scared. This had been a mistake, and now he was about to get rejected.

Instead of saying anything Italy just pulled back his left hand from the German's grip and held it up wordlessly, his expression a picture of pity.

Germany's heart skipped a beat.

His blue eyes widened in horror and he gaped at Italy, then his eyes turned back to his hand.

An engagement ring.

The gold band was gleaming mockingly in the moonlight, just beyond lay Italy's shimmering brown orbs, tears gathering rapidly in the corners. How had he not noticed that before? Italy didn't wear rings, and he thought he always paid so much attention to the little nation.

Now he realized...

"Ve, America proposed to me today… And I came here to ask you if you would be my best man but…" Italy let out a quiet sob, and Germany had to refrain from the horrible itch to comfort him. His heart was breaking. He felt like his his chest was tearing apart from the pain. "I didn't know…" the brunette gazed up at him with horribly pitying eyes, which trickled gently with tears.

Ludwig's own eyes were burning, he clenched his fist, trying desperately to be the stronger one. But he couldn't bring himself to say anything. He didn't even know what to say. The thought of him standing up in front of everyone and talking about how 'wonderful' Italy and America were together…

He could never go through with it.

"I-I-" The blonde stuttered, blinking rapidly at his rapidly watering blue eyes. He didn't know what to say.

"I should go…" Italy murmured. wheeling around and opening the door.

Germany reached out and grabbed the Italian nation's shoulder, indignation growing fast in his chest. "Wait Feli," Italy turned. "How can you agree to marry him? Gay marriage isn't even legal in the United States!"

The brunette shook his head, his timid eyes looking skittishly up at him from behind his shimmering auburn locks. "Germany, gay marriage was legalized today," Ludwig's eyes widened considerably, his grip on the Italian slackening. "we can get married anywhere in the United States."

"That's no reason to be married!" He insisted. "Italy, you've barely been dating for two years. Please don't rush into this." He begged.

Italy shook his head ferently, backing away from the blond nation fearfully.

"You're still invited…" Feliciano murmured, before the blond could even think to say anything. The Italian turned just as he was about to slip out the door. "I-if you want to come… It's ok if you don't. I'll understand." He looked down despairingly, his back still turned. "But it would mean a lot to me if you did… Goodnight."

And he was gone.

…

America glared savagely at the clock, his blue eyes narrowed dangerously at the red digits. It was late… too late.

The blond was well aware of how Ludwig felt about his husband-to-be. He could see it in every glance, in the way he held Italy's small frame against his own.

It drove him insane. Every little touch made him crazy jealous. But he knew how much Germany meant to Italy, so he would always shove down his feelings and try to smile. For his little Italy.

But his thoughts always ran wild when it started to get late. He would never accuse Italy of cheating, he knew his little Italy would never do that to him. But he tended to overthink and over exaggerate things in his head. And the later it got, the more ramped his imagination would run.

So he generally asked Italy not to stay out too late, claiming he loved to cuddle with the Italian late at night and missed him when he wasn't there with him. It seemed clingy, but at least that wasn't a total lie. What could he say? He loved cuddling! And his little Italy was so cute and warm… So he never really felt _too_ bad about it whenever he asked Italy to be back relatively early so they could snuggle.

But tonight was worse. He was unbelievably twitchy now that Italy and him were engaged. He was half convinced Germany would stand up and demand Italy not to marry him in front of the entire world. It didn't seem like Germany at all, but he couldn't scrub the image of Germany making away with Italy on the day of their wedding.

But there wasn't a lot he could do, Germany was Italy's best friend and he had no real reason to not allow him at his wedding. What was he suppose to say? 'I think your best friend is in love with you so I don't think he should be your best man'? Somehow he didn't think that would fly.

So he just sat there staring at his phone, trying to fend off the urge to call his Italian finacè and ask him to come home. He recalled their earlier conversation in which Italy asked if he could go over to Ludwig's for dinner and ask him properly if he would be his best man.

...

 _Italy hung up the phone with a contented sigh causing America to smirk, satisfied he now had his husband-to-be's full attention._

" _Where were we?" America waggled his eyebrows in a jokingly suggestive way before nuzzling Feli's neck happily._

" _Al!" The brunette squealed, a happy blush dusting his soft cheeks._

" _Hm?" The blonde hummed, feigning innocence._

 _Feliciano huffed and wrapped his tan arms around the larger Nation's chest. "I'm going over to Germany's at 6:00 so we can catch up." America tensed up only a moment before forcing his muscles to relax into Italy's touch, a small frown eclipsing his previously smiling expression. "Ve, and I think I'm going to ask him to be my best man."_

 _The younger nation prayed for patience as he looked into Italy's innocently jovial gaze, completely unaware of America's carefully concealed spite. Not for Italy of course, but for his German 'friend'. For all intents and purposes, America felt Italy and Germany's relationship was far from platonic._

 _But he grinned easily and leaned down brushing their noses lightly against each other. Silently hoping Italy's curious expression wasn't a result of suspicion. The American found it hard to bury his jealousy and sometimes he wondered if Italy noticed something was off. But if he did, he never brought it up with him before, so America never said what he really thought of Germany. He knew if he did it would lead to an unwinnable fight, a fight he didn't want to have._

" _Sounds like fun." America blushed delicately at the bright smile growing on Italy's face. Damn, how was he suppose to spoil that face because of a little jealousy? That just seemed mean._

" _Oh! Can I bring that movie we rented the other night? Please can I?" America felt a horrible swooping sensation in his stomach followed by a pang at the thought of Italy cuddling up next to Germany._

 _But as always, the hopeful puppy-dog look alighting Italy's soft features was simply undeniable. He felt his resolve melt, remembering happily (and secretly smugly when he thought of Germany) that Italy and him were engaged and that he had absolutely nothing to worry about._

 _Right?_

" _Sure! Just don't stay out too late ok?" The American pleaded, looking down at Italy with his own puppy-dog eyes. "Tonight I want you all to myself." He said, dragging out the 'all' to a nearly ridiculous length._

" _Of course!" The brunette nuzzled into his neck saying happily. "You can call me if you want."_

 _The thought was very favorable, and Alfred rather liked the idea of breaking their little night short (he didn't care if it sounded petty or mean, Germany's intentions were less than pure and he knew it!) and spending the rest of the night in Italy's arms. On the other hand, he hated the idea of being a buzzkill and ruining Italy's time with Germany. The brunette had already been over the Japan's house, and the Asian nation hardly brought about these same feelings. He knew for a fact that Italy trusted him with other nations. Besides, Italy was a grownup he could handle nation's other than himself. He had done, and would in the future and America wasn't going to be overkill and cross examine everyone, or ask about every detail. He just got a little controlling when it involved Germany._

 _So he just shrugged and said carelessly. "I probably won't, you have fun."_

" _Yay!" Italy flung his arms happily around his shoulders and snuggled deeper into his embrace. "Grazie Alfred!"_

…

He was seriously beginning to regret telling him that now. Just as he was about to pick up and call anyway, he heard Italy's car pull in and jumped to greet him, eager to hear about what happened.

He leaned over the frame as Italy got out of the car, his shoulders sagging and his head a little low. America blinked, maybe he was tired? "Hey Feli!" America called, grinning wildly as the older nation approached. He frowned when he caught wind of Italy's expression. He looked upset. "What's wrong?" He asked, blocking the doorway as Italy approached, pouting slightly at the lack of attention.

His eyes widened when Italy pushed passed him and into the house. Alfred frowned, following Feliciano into the house. "Feli? What's wrong?" He asked, catching up to his lover as the brunette halted in the kitchen, his back turned. "C'mon." He mumbled, wrapping his arms around the petite nation from behind. "You're scaring me, tell me what's wrong."

Feliciano sighed, relaxing into his grip and tilting his head back so he was looking Alfred right in the eye. "Ve, I'm sorry I just-" Italy sighed. "Can we talk about it in the morning?" He murmured, turning and hugging the blond around the middle.

America took a deep breath, but he couldn't grin and bear it anymore. "No, I'm sorry but if something happened I want to know about it. Tell me everything."

Italy sighed again and moved out of America's arms and turned to face him. "I-it's just…" America crossed his arms and backed up a step, giving the brunette a little space. "Germany told me that he loves me…"

America reeled back, his blue eyes wide with shock. Not at the fact Germany was in love with Italy, that seemed plausible. No, it was the fact Germany. The most emotionally distant guy he knew had told an engaged man that he was in love with him. An _engaged_ man, who asked him to be his best man! What was wrong with him? "H-he what?"

"Ve, I don't know what to do. He said that he loves me and then I just left…" Italy clutched at his auburn locks and whispered. "He means a lot to me, but I don't want to force him to go to a wedding he doesn't want to be a part of…"

America gave Italy a sympathetic gaze. "Yeah dude, I can see how that would be a problem." In all honesty, Alfred didn't want Germany to be there, he didn't want the blond anywhere near Italy that day. But he knew how much it would mean to him…

Italy sighed. "I invited him anyway…"

"Y-you did?" He stammered, a befuddled look marring his features. "But… why? I-I mean… I would be ok if you wanted to but I mean-"

"I know you don't like him, Al." America sighed, there was no point in denying it now.

"Yeah sorry hon, him and I just don't mix…" The blond felt significantly alleviated when he said those words. It felt good to finally admit it outloud.

"I can tell him not to come if you want me too..."

"No, he should come." He insisted. "I know it's going to be hard for me, but I want you to be happy. Without Germany there I know you won't be happy. So I want you to not feel bad about telling him he can come. Alright? Don't worry about me, I can handle it."

Italy's eyes brightened with emotion making America blush. He wasn't usually one for romantics. He grunted as Italy launched himself into his arms and pressed their lips together in a quick but grateful kiss. "Grazie America! Thank you so much!"

America beamed. "Of course. I love you."

"I love you too."

…

"Italy?"

The brunette nation turned towards the sound of his name. Feliciano was standing uncharacteristically straight and well poised as he stood in front of the mirror, nerves fluttering in his stomach.

Today was the day.

"C-ciao Japan!" Italy called, instantly recognizing the voice of his friend. He fixed his facing into cheerfully nonchalant expression. He didn't want the Asian nation to know how nervous he truly was about this wedding.

Japan stopped just shy of a few feet from the other nation. "Italy, are you ok? The ceremony is going to start soon." The Italian nodded, turning towards his friend with a happy smile plastered onto his face.

"I'm fine ve, just a little nervous is all." He admitted, hoping Kiku couldn't tell how truly anxious this whole thing was making him. "I don't want to screw this up." he murmured, ducking his head abashedly.

The Japanese nation gave Italy a rare smile and said softly. "There is nothing to be so nervous about. America loves you, and you love him."

"I'm not scared of committing to America." Italy sighed. "I'm just… scared something's going to go wrong, or that I'm going to forget something or-"

"Italy." Kiku said firmly. "You're going to be fine." Japan clapped him very lightly on the shoulder. "Even if everything goes wrong, you and America will be wed. And that is all that truly matters."

Tears of gratitude were shimmering in Italy's chocolate eyes. "Thank you so much Kiku." He whispered, refraining from hugged the Asian nation as he was uncomfortable with such affection. "You're a good friend."

"Thank you Italy." Japan dipped his head towards the younger nation. "Would you like a few minutes of privacy? We still have some time before you need to be out there."

"Si." Italy murmured. "Thank you so much Japan."

"It is no trouble."

And Italy was left to himself once more.

The brunette nation slid his eyes shut and breathed in… out…in…out. It was all he could do to keep his calm.

Today he was getting married.

That thought brought a serene smile to Italy's face. He looked into the mirror once again, seeing just behind him-

"Germany?"

Italy wheeled around, shocked beyond expression to see the German standing there, rubbing the back of his head nervously.

"Italy."

They stood there and simply stared, Italy too shocked to move, Germany unsure of his next move.

Germany was the first to move. "Feliciano, you can't get married today."

The brunette blinked, the idea was completely inconceivable. "Ve? Of course I'm getting married today. That's why I'm here."

The brunette jumped as the blond stepped forward and loomed just before the older nation, a dead serious expression on his face. "Italy, don't get married. Please don't do this." Italy's brown eyes widened, fear settling in his stomach.

"Germany-"

"Just listen ok?" The blond murmured. "I don't think America is right for you. You're rushing into this Italy! You've only been dating for two years." He insisted, his face flushed with passion. "He won't ever love you the way I do."

"Why are you saying such things?" Italy whimpered, tears pricking his eyes. "I love America. If I didn't I wouldn't be marrying him. Marriage is important to me, I wouldn't take a proposal lightly Germany." He stated, his voice edging on cold. "I-I don't even understand why you love me." He turned so he was facing his reflection once more, his eyes were red and puffy, but his expression was strangely blank. "You didn't want to be with me two years ago. We were closer then."

Germany didn't hesitate to respond. "The way I was feeling about you was love. I um, I was still pretty new with having friends. I thought the way I felt was totally natural and that nothing would change if we went back to being friends. I thought dating you would change everything; make things complicated." Italy's eyes flickered to Germany's reflection through the mirror. "I didn't realize what I had, what we could have had-"

"Until it was gone?" Italy's voice broke. He knew all too well it was easy to take love for granted, only to have it snatched far from your reach the very next day.

Feliciano heard something drip onto the floor, and it took him a moment to realize it was his own tears. He understood where Germany was coming from, but-

"Come with me." Italy turned, Ludwig was offering him his hand. "Please, Italy."

It was all the same.

Images of a black clad young boy with piercing blue eyes struck his vision, offering his hand out to him. Expectant, hopeful.

But he already knew his answer.

"I can't. You know that." Italy whispered, his tears flowing rivers down his cheeks.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me." The blond all but demanded, taking another daring step closer, Italy could feel his breath like a waterfall down his back. The Italian shivered, the sensation clouding his senses and making him dizzy.

Finally he slowly turned on one heel, gazing up somewhat abashedly into those icy blue eyes. He opened his mouth, fully confident he could say that simple sentence: 'I don't love you'. But…

He couldn't.

Their bodies were less than an inch apart. Italy's eyes dropped to the floor, a red flush burning his glistening cheeks. His tears were beginning to slow to a steady drip. He hiccuped, his silence condemning him.

"So," The blonde crossed his arms over his chest, Italy looked up shamefaced from behind his auburn bangs. "Why are you selling your life away?" Germany snarled.

"I'm not selling my life away." Italy retorted, making note he didn't have much time before he had to be out there. "I love you." He felt a weight lift off his chest at finally saying that out loud. "But Alfred has been here for me." He looked pleadingly up at the younger nation, begging him to understand. "My love for you doesn't compare to my love for him. I'm sorry."

Germany took a few steps back, his gaze making Italy's heart squeeze painfully in his chest. "You don't mean that."

Italy wiped the tears from his face and said despairingly. "You only want me because you can't have me."

"I don't want you because I can't have you." Germany denied.

The brunette opened his mouth to respond, the door opened and Japan entered, calling softly. "Italy, it's time-" The raven haired nation stopped in his tracks when he saw Germany, his usually atonic face shocked to say the least. "Oh."

"I'm coming Japan." Italy called, looking Germany in the eyes. He found himself hesitating as he took his first step forward.

This didn't go unnoticed by either nations.

"Italy?" Japan asked, confusion evident in his voice. "Come on, America is waiting."

Italy closed his eyes, he needed to make a decision. The obvious decision.

He turned and wrapped his arms around Germany's neck, planting a small kiss to the blond nation's cheek. "I'll miss you." He murmured, his actions making Japan exclaim his indignation.

"Italy! What on Earth are you doing?"

Before Germany could so much as blush at his actions Italy had already slipped away and was at Japan's side at once. "Let's go."

The door closed just as Ludwig reached out for Feliciano.

Too late once again.


End file.
